“I certainly never thought I could feel so much love, and just want to change the outcome so badly” - Rory Sloane.
August 24, 2018.
A day that will stick with Rory and Belinda Sloane forever.
A day of heartbreak and sorrow, but also of great love.
It was both their first day, and last day, with their first child Leo, who was stillborn at 34 weeks.
One year on, the pair have opened up about their journey on Channel 7’s Sunrise in the hope they can raise awareness and funds to reduce Stillbirth rates within Australia.
The couple shared the story of the night they found out Leo’s heart had stopped beating.
What started as a beautiful day ended in devastation.
“We got home, had dinner and got into bed, and I just said to Rory ‘I don’t think this is right, I haven’t felt movement today’,” Belinda said.
“We went to the hospital... (the nurse) popped the ultrasound on my belly and by that point we were 34 weeks so you know exactly where to look for the flicker of the heartbeat.
“As soon as I saw it, I could see there was no flicker.
“I said to her ‘there’s not a heartbeat is there?’ and she just said ‘no, unfortunately there’s no heartbeat’
“I can’t really remember the moments that followed that to be honest, I couldn’t cry, I was just in complete shock.”
For Rory, nothing felt real in that moment.
“From there, I really am blurred,” Rory said.
“I’m just looking at Belinda and basically breaking down and going ‘this is not happening’ - it didn’t feel real at all.”
And now they had big decisions to make and a delivery to plan.
'Leo' means 'lion' and 'Sloane' means 'warrior', and as soon as he was placed in Belinda’s arms, they knew the name was perfect.
“It just felt, in that moment, that was our little Leo, our little man,” Belinda said.
“I would describe Leo as perfection, his little face, he had a little button nose, a cute little cupid’s bow and rosey cheeks.
“There was blonde hair there that had started to curl a bit so I reckon he would have had hair a bit like Rory, a bit like his daddy.”
View this post on InstagramHappy Fathers Day to our hero Leo and I LOVE YOU @rorysloane #LionWarrior
He was so perfect, Belinda found herself lost in the moment.
“I was just so caught up in our baby and I looked over at Rory who was on a chair next to the bed and seeing him crying,” she said.
“It sort of brought it back to reality that we’re not taking him home and it sounds so silly, but it was almost like I forgot that for a moment.”
Through his tears, Rory’s eyes were locked on his wife holding their son.
“I remember looking across at Belinda holding her little son in her arms,” Rory said.
“Him obviously being lifeless, and it’s so hard to explain, but the joy on Belinda’s face also matched with the sorrow… it was heartbreaking.
“I was so upset, it just startled me straight away that why did this have to happen, he looked so perfect, he had no deformities, his skin was perfect, his face was perfect.
“He looked like a perfectly healthy baby, but he’s not breathing.”
Rory and Belinda spent the next day and half with Leo, welcoming family and close friends in to see him.
But what came next was their toughest challenge of all: saying goodbye.
“That moment was one of the most heartbreaking moments, just watching our son being taken away to a funeral home to be cremated,” Rory said.
“Before he’s had a real crack at life is really heartbreaking.”
Together they shared their grief, although experiencing it in different ways.
“I think Rory went through a phase where he was feeling really angry whereas I just felt drained,” Belinda said.
“In that sense, it was kind of nice because I could be there for Rory when he had a down day and vice versa.
“I don’t think the grieving process will ever end, that hole in our heart will never be healed, that hole is for Leo.”
Whether it’s on the football field or in the surf, Rory knows Leo is always with him.
“There’s certainly moments out in the ocean that I feel like he’s with me and out on the footy field, I feel like he’s with me - I certainly talk to him out there,” Rory said.
“I look for those beautiful moments you come across and they certainly make me think of Leo.”
Leo may not have survived to take his first breath, but through the work his parents are now doing with Red Nose, his legacy will live on.
“If we can help families prevent this from happening or if they are unfortunate enough to go through a stillbirth and we can provide them with a little bit of comfort or guidance that’d be an unbelievable legacy for Leo,” Rory said.
“If he can do that for others, it makes his father very proud.”
“And his mum,” Belinda added.
“In 20 years, in Australia, statistics of stillbirth have not done down - six a day, approximately,” she said.
“So six parents a day are going home without their baby, which to me is mortifying - I had no idea until we had Leo.”
Always having dreamed of a big family, the couple certainly have plans to give Leo some siblings.
“We would definitely love to add to the family - one thing we know for sure is that they’ll always know about their big brother Leo,” Belinda said.
“I think what we’ve found comfort in is they’ll always have someone watching over them,” Rory added.
“It certainly helps us knowing that there’s someone watching over us and he’s always with us.”
Through Red Nose Australia, Rory and Belinda have created the Lion Warrior donation fund to raise money for stillbirth research.
Red Nose Australia’s aim is to reduce preventable stillbirth by 20 per cent in the next three years.
To donate to the Lion Warrior, head to rednose.org.au/lion-warrior
